As a student you’re pretty much in charge over your own work schedule. Of course you have to attend lectures, but for me, that part is over. Only the big bad thesis is left. No classes, no nothing. Just a thesis registration contract to hand in and 80-100 pages to write. I must admit that trough all the years I’ve studied I have been worrying about writing the end product of my student life – the MA thesis. Now the time has come. Some days I’m scared, some I’m not. Either way, I still have to write it. Decide on the final not-to-be-changed-topic and hand in the registration form. Find the right theory. Contact interviewees and conduct interviews. Transcribe. Analyze. Write. Write. Write. And then write a little more before I edit. The finish line seems so far away.
I haven’t been so motivated. There might be many reasons why. One of them, the biggest one perhaps, is that I don’t have a place of my own where I can set up a chic home office. Instead I snooze in the morning and get a little done during the day. Sometimes more. I haven’t officially started on my thesis, but I have officially already a guilty conscience about not working enough on it. I foresee six months of that. Not everyday, but I know there will come terrible days, when the alarm sounds at 8 and I just want to curl up in bed, hide my head under the covers and pretend the world doesn’t exist. I guess every student has days like that, no matter how much you like studying (and I really do). Some days you are studying hard and other days you find yourself hardly studying.
My feelings about my MA thesis project are very ambivalent. I have an awesome topic, I have an G.R.E.A.T. supervisor and the research on my topic is fresh and not something hard-to-grasp-written-in-the-70’s-by-post-structuralists. So why all this distress? I guess because I’m a bona fide obsessionista and here, so close to the finish line, I got totally fed up with studying. I just want to finish and start working!
So, before I officially start writing and working on my last university paper (a thesis can’t really be called a paper, can it?), I have decided to take a step away from uni-life. Go to a tiny, not yet so touristy island, and work. In May and June I will be in Neverland. But there is still some days left of April, so I better squeeze out whatever thesis juice I have in me, so that I don’t have to start from scratch when the time comes.
Ah that felt great! The best therapy I know is writing.